Sex In Human Loving!

Sex Toys

Home ] Sexual Problems: Problems of Desire and Response ] Sexual Gender, Sex Roles and Sexism ] [ Sexual Pleasure ] Men, sex and relationships ] About ]


Male Sexual Massage ] Better Sex ] Sexual Response Cycle ] Mechanics of Intercourse ] Sex Toys and Sexual Pleasure ]


So one of the persistent questions that men and women ask is "How can I get sexual success and satisfaction?"

It's rather strange, when you think about it, because most of us are obsessed with sex, yet at the same time we are all somehow looking to improve it!

In fact, it turns out that in America, the average couple has sex about 84 times a year -- not many times, really, is it? (Actually that's more than once a week.) Most men reach orgasm during sex, but only 29% of women do so during sexual activity, and a massive 50% of women admit that they fake orgasm!

Those men who do not reach orgasm may have problems with orgasm and this is called delayed ejaculation. There are ways to end this problem.

So apart from frequency, it turns out that most Americans, or least most American women, don't seem to actually be having much fun in bed. And part of that has to be down to the men not giving the women what they want! The extraordinary thing, though, is that 70% of men and women say they are satisfied with their sex lives -- although the proportion is much higher in newly formed couples than it is in long-term couples.

Anyway, there are various myths about sexual activity that can be part of the problem here -- so let's look at them, dismiss them, and hopefully open the door way to a better sex life!


First and foremost, masturbation is completely harmless and even though it's sometimes associated with shame, it can actually be a great way to enhance intimacy -- yes, mutual masturbation can be a route to a better sex life.

For one thing it will show your partner how you like to be touched, so that they can masturbate you more efficiently, and for another, there's something really powerful about watching your partner bringing themselves to orgasm. It's extremely arousing.


Next, one of the issues that often comes up is that thoughts and feelings that people have about themselves get in the way of good sex -- and in particular that's true around body image and excess weight.

So what can you do about it?

Well, the Adonis Golden Ratio (see above) is certainly one approach to dealing with this, but there are others.

Regular exercise is great, because it not only increases your stamina, but it also ensures that you have good blood flow -- and good blood flow to the genitals is necessary for good sex! Besides which, exercising regularly is definitely way of taking matters into your own hand, and proving that you are in control of your own destiny, both sexually and otherwise.


One of the things that's incredibly important to understand is the fact that so much of what you achieve in your sexual life depends  entirely on what you believe about yourself. So, for example, if you believe you're unattractive, then your capacity for forming a healthy relationship with another person, a relationship based on mutual love and respect, is rather limited.

There's an area of human psychology called manifestation which is basically about ensuring that you as an individual are co-creating your life with the cooperation of the universe.

This may sound rather esoteric, but in actual fact it's pragmatic rather than esoteric. In any real sense it's based on some fundamental human principles of psychology, to whit, the fact that if you actually set out to achieve a clear goal or objective, with intense levels of desire, belief and expectancy, then you're more likely to manifest your reality than somebody who is wandering aimlessly through life without any clear purpose or goal.

So what about role-playing games?

Well, few of us would like to speak of sexual fantasies to our partners, even though they're incredibly important -- whatever your fantasies may be, it is necessary to have a pact with your partner, which is that there will be no humiliation or shaming if they reveal their fantasies to you, or vice versa.

At the same time, you need to agree that neither of you will be forced to play out the roles that your partner might want to put you in .... and that said, it can be fun and very stimulating for  monogamous couples to explore their fantasies together.

PC muscle exercises.

Now I know you've all heard about Kegel training, and they know you all know about the PC muscle -- but believe me, it isn't just a way to help prevent urinary leakage. Far from it, because in both men and women, it's a good way of enhancing the power of orgasm, and for men specifically, it's a good way of obtaining a better erection.

In essence, all you have to do is a quick and discrete series of 100 reps every day contracting your pelvic floor muscles, keeping tight 10 seconds, and then releasing them for the same length of time before repeating another 99 times. The good news is you don't have to do all one hundred at once!

Changing sex position regularly

Sex positions are not all the same -- some are much more exciting than others, and it's definitely a great idea to experiment with different positions, so that you can find out what you like, and what your partner likes -- and of course, find out what works best for you both.

What you're going to find when you break out of a routine is that although your favorite positions may be satisfying and familiar, there can be both greater sexual pleasure and greater intimacy with your partner when you try something new.

If you've gotten into the habit of using the same sex position, then one of you has to take the lead and suggest breaking out into new adventures.

And for those of you who aren't flexible enough, or who worry that maybe you're not strong enough to try the more adventurous sex positions, then simply making small changes to the positions you already use can improve the feelings that you get from them.

And if anything goes wrong when you're trying more adventurous sex positions, then it will provide you both with a good laugh!

Sex toys & Porn

Using sex toys can be a really exciting way to enhance sexual pleasure and satisfaction, whether you're using them alone or with your partner. For one thing they boost arousal, and they may enhance orgasm, but they can also add a thrill to the entire sexual experience, and even increase a woman's lubrication.

The question of porn can be a thorny one for some couples: that there is a whole genre of porn on the Internet now which is known as "feminist porn" -- which basically means more romantic, more oriented towards relationship, and more intimate. This can be highly arousing for men and women to watch together.

Take sex out of the bedroom

Yep, it's entirely possible for a couple to take their sex life out of the bedroom and into the countryside -- although you don't have to do that to add a bit of excitement, because simply making love in some other part of your house away from the bedroom can be very exciting too!

If you allow sexual spontaneity to erupt, you may find that you're moved to make love wherever you are -- as long as that isn't somewhere other people can see you!

Good self-esteem and confidence

There's no question that having a high self-esteem can improve every aspect of your life, simply because it makes you feel more confident -- and when you feel more confident, you're more likely to be comfortable asking for what you like, and that includes sex with your partner.

So, if you can keep your thoughts positive, and regard your partner's attitude to sex as positive too, then between you,  you will enjoy sex far more. If you have issues around shame or guilt, then see a therapist or counselor.

Extra lubrication

There's no question that foreplay can help women become aroused, but sometimes even when a woman is aroused her vagina is not going to produce enough lubrication for couples to enjoy sex.

And in situations like this, then you may need to use extra lubrication -- that's particularly true when estrogen levels fall after pregnancy or after the menopause.

To avoid painful intercourse, you some high-quality oil, or good-quality water-based lube - use one which you enjoy and which feels good for both of you.

Cock Rings.

A cock ring is a metal, leather or rubber device shaped like a ring, usually from 1-1 inches to 2 inches in diameter. Some leather cock rings have snaps on them to make them adjustable. The testicles and the erect penis are slipped through the ring, which fits tightly, putting pressure on the dorsal vein in the penis. The idea is that the cock ring will stop the blood that has engorged the penis flowing out again.

Penis Extenders.

A penis extender is a hollow penis-shaped device that is placed over the natural penis to make it seem larger. Usually it is held in place by straps or by a harness round the waist.


Vibrators are electrical machines powered by batteries or Plugged into electrical outlets. They come in different sizes and shapes but they all vibrate in a steady rhythm in high, low or medium speeds. They are sometimes called massagers.

The most common kinds are: the slip-over-the-hand models, with the vibrating portion on the outside of the hand causing the hand and fingers to vibrate in a steady rhythm; the hand-held vibrator with attachments for different parts of the body; and the battery powered cylindrical or penis shaped type.

Vibrators must be used gently or sensitive body tissue can be bruised: some people use a towel between the skin and the vibrator to cut down on the intensity of the sensation. They are never to be used in or with water, and battery models may overheat if used for extended periods of time.

Vibrators are sold in pharmacies department stores, through the internet, and in special erotica shops. Vibrators can be used alone or with a partner to expand the range of sensations during sex.