Sex In Human Loving!

Human Sexuality, Loving, Dating, and Relationships


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We owe our knowledge of how people respond to sexual stimulation to the courageous pioneering research of Dr William Masters and Virginia Johnson in the 1950s and 1960s. Then, in the 1970s, the work of Dr Helen Singer Kaplan provided some crucial theoretical advances.

Every person responds differently to sexual stimulation, but there is a pattern that applies to most people, most of the time. It probably doesn't apply to any individual all of the time. It is not a measure of what is "normal" - only a description of what usually occurs.

This pattern has three phases: sexual desire, sexual arousal or excitement, and orgasm; there are real physical responses that distinguish them from each other.

Sexual Desire & Dating

We know more about what happens in the second two phases, excitement and orgasm, than we do about the first.

Desire is still something of a mystery. Sexual desire - also called libido - is what moves us to seek out sexual situations.

It is the magnet that draws us toward other people and draws them toward us too. It is difficult to describe scientifically because it is rooted in a brain center and is therefore subject to hormone levels and the complex circuitry of the brain.

As we come to understand the details of brain functioning better, we will have a better appreciation of how sexual desire arises.

We do know however that if there is a chemical imbalance, nerve circuit or transmitter problem in the appropriate area of the brain, a disorder - a sexual dysfunction - may result.

Sexual Excitement In Relationships

Several bodily changes happen as desire develops into excitement. The most obvious is that extra blood accumulates rapidly in the genital area in both men and women. This is called vasocongestion. Vasocongestion in men shows as erection of the penis.

As blood flows into the spongy tissue of the penis it swells. How quickly it does so and whether the penis reaches its maximum possible size depend on the nature and intensity of the stimulation and on the man's age (erection usually comes more slowly in older men).

Vasocongestion in women shows as vaginal lubrication: the vagina becomes moist. What happens is that blood flows into the vaginal area and the pressure of it forces natural tissue fluid through the walls of the vagina.

Moisture is also secreted from the cervical area. The vagina is then ready to accommodate a penis if intercourse is to follow. Lubrication can take 20 to 30 seconds, but the time depends very much on the nature and intensity of the stimulation.

This is emphatically not the same as the ejaculation of fluid from the urethra at the moment of orgasm.... that is female ejaculation, which is reputed to produce the best female orgasm women can experience..... the jury is still out, however, as recent work suggests the fluid is urine after all.

Check out the facts on the "how to ejaculate" of female squirting (as ejaculation is sometimes known).

Touch, smell, sight, fantasy all stimulate both sexes; how quickly people respond depends on how they are feeling and on circumstances as well as on how intense the stimulus is.

A perennial question is whether or not love affects the pleasure of sex. I think most adults would agree that it does, and say that sex is better within a loving relationship.

There's an extra dimension, a nuance which is missing from casual sex. Of course, the nature of love itself is always debatable. And event the ability of a woman to get into a relationship depends on her ability to make a man love her. Discover how a woman can make a man love her, or fall in love with her. And, as to the nature of staying together in a long tern relationship, well, click here for that.....

Another general response that applies to women and men both is an involuntary tensing of the muscles throughout the body (called "myotonia"). It diminishes after orgasm, which is why people feel relaxed after they have come, and then disappears.

There are several other important bodily changes in this phase, affecting women more than men. Both sexes experience nipple erection, in which the nipples become firmer and stand out more, but it is more common and more obvious in women.

The dark area surrounding women's nipples (the areola) becomes darker and their breasts, especially if they have not breastfed a child, increase in size.

As sexual tension mounts, the pulse rate and blood pressure go up in both women and men. At this stage the sex flush is likely to appear in many women.

This looks like a rash, and usually appears first on the upper portion of the stomach and then spreads to the breast area.

It is liable to be patchy and may spread to the back as well. Some men show a sex flush too, though it is likely to be less marked.

A reaction that is wholly female is color change of the labia as they swell from vasocongestion.

The inner labia of women who have had children change from red to deep wine, and those of women who have not go from pink to bright red. Once the labia have changed color the woman will have an orgasm if stimulation continues.

Two other important changes happen to women in these last stages of the excitement phase: the vagina lengthens and widens, and the clitoris retracts under its hood.

People sometimes get anxious that the clitoris should disappear at this critical moment but they shouldn't. It is natural that it should and it is a good sign, for orgasm is very close.

By the end of the excitement phase both men and women are full of sexual tension and feel that just a very little more stimulation will tip them over the top and they will have an orgasm. Masters and Johnson called this part of the excitement phase the plateau.

Orgasm and the sexual response cycle

Just before orgasm, the pulse rate, blood pressure and breathing rate are at their peaks; many muscles are tensed. What then triggers orgasm is not quite certain.

It appears to be a complex interaction of physical, emotional, social and hormonal factors, and there may be others as yet undetermined.

What's This "Orgasm Arts"?

Jason Julius has spent years researching the best ways to turn a woman on and bring her to orgasm.

 Since most women don't come during sex, and often fake orgasms because they want to please their partners, it's very important that every man really knows about how to bring a woman to climax and fully satisfy her during sex....

Indeed, as a man, your whole relationship might depend on knowing this stuff.

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When a woman has an orgasm, her uterus and the outer third of her vagina both go into a series of rapid contractions. There may be just a few or as many as 15, and they occur at intervals of less than a second.

The male orgasm divides into two stages. The first is a feeling of ejaculatory inevitability, caused by the semen pooled at the entrance to the urethra.

At this point the man knows he cannot help coming. Very quickly thereafter he has a series of contractions of the ejaculatory ducts and the muscles around the penis which causes the semen to be ejaculated.

The process takes only a few seconds and the intensity of the contractions decreases after the first few spurts of semen have left the body.

No-one has yet succeeded in describing properly the sensations of orgasm. The pleasure is so intense that it seems there are no words subtle or strong enough to describe it. The last part of the orgasm phase is called resolution.

In women it means a gradual return to normal of pulse, blood pressure and breathing rate; the labia return to their normal color, the sex flush fades away and the nipples lose their erection. The vagina also returns to its normal size.

In men, resolution means loss of erection and a gradual return of the penis to its normal flaccid state.

Any skin flush and nipple erection will also disappear, whereas a woman who is in the early part of the resolution stage can have orgasm again if she wants it, a man can not. He has to go through a "refractory period," during which he is unlikely to be able to get an erection.

The sexual response and orgasm cycle of men. A man rises to the plateau phase and then to orgasm, but cannot proceed to a second orgasm until he has gone through the necessary refractory period.

The duration of the refractory period depends particularly upon the man's age. erection, let alone maintain it.

The refractory period may be a matter of minutes or of hours, with the general rule that the older a man is, the longer it will take.

Women, however, can carry on and with the right stimulation achieve repeated orgasms. For men who need to know how to stop ejaculating prematurely suitable techniques are described here.

You may ask, how did Masters and Johnson study the sex responses of men and women? Masters and Johnson studied 382 women and 312 men between the ages of 18 and 89 for more than ten years.

During that time, they recorded and analyzed more than 10,000 orgasms achieved by heterosexual intercourse, mutual masturbation and self masturbation. The subjects were all volunteers and were paid for their participation.

During their sexual activity the men and women were monitored and filmed by very sensitive medical equipment.

For example, a number of women inserted in their vaginas a clear plastic penis containing a tiny camera so a film could be made of the changes that were going on inside them.

Vagina - Ejaculation - Intercourse Video

Men were filmed as they were being stimulated and getting erections. These and other experiments were repeated thousands of times to give Masters and Johnson adequate data to make generalizations about how men and women respond.

Multiple orgasm means having several orgasms within a short period. Every woman has the physical capacity, though each individual woman may experience multiple orgasm frequently, occasionally or never. It all depends upon appropriate continuing stimulation after the first orgasm.

Multiple Orgasms

Once you know you can experience multiple orgasm it becomes easier to do so.

You may think that men do not usually have multiple orgasms, however in 1978 two researchers in California, Dr Mina Robbins and Dr Gordon Jensen, reported on their work with 13 men who had multiple orgasms.

These men reported they had learned how to control ejaculation so they would only ejaculate after having a series of orgasms.

Robbins and Jensen believe men can be taught to control ejaculation and experience several orgasms, and further, they suggest that the reason most men don't is that they've grown up with the idea that they can't. Our culture says men can have only one orgasm at a time.

More work needs to be done to validate Robbins' and Jensen's theory. Of course, some men cannot reach orgasm and ejaculate at all - they have delayed ejaculation.

Do women ejaculate ?

Two researchers, John Perry and Beverly Whipple, have film evidence that some women in a study they conducted released fluid from the urethra during orgasm. The fluid was analyzed: it was not urine but a substance resembling male semen without sperm. More on this at

Most literature describing orgasm sets up unrealistic standards and expectations. This is especially true of pornography, which is now common. We get images of unbelievably explosive orgasms, measure our own experiences against them and conclude that ours are nowhere near the "ideal".

The important thing to remember about your sex life is that it should be fulfilling for you and your partner. Your sexual feelings are unique and so are your partner's. The way you respond to each other is unique too.

Descriptions of climax in literature may well be idealized, and even if they are truthful, they are someone else's experience, which can never be the same as your own. Trying to match your feelings with accounts of other people's can only interfere with your enjoyment.

Email    Leighton Mowbray