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Delayed Ejaculation

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sexual dysfunctions - information, advice and treatmentDelayed ejaculation is a common male condition in which the man can't ejaculate during sex, caused by a variety of factors including both physical and emotional antecedents.

It's a problem for men because it means they can't achieve sexual satisfaction through the normal release of orgasm during intercourse, possibly leaving them with a state of sexual arousal which is unrelieved, a state sometimes known as "blue balls".

For the couple it represents difficulty because women often assume that the reason men can't ejaculate is that they doesn't find them attractive or are not turned on by them.

Most men with delayed ejaculation deny this fervently, saying that they are aroused, and that their extended sexual performances and hard erections demonstrates this very clearly.

There is, however, a body of opinion which suggests that the state of arousal a man appears to have when he suffers from delayed ejaculation is in fact an illusion, and that sexually in his mind he's not really aroused at all.

Video on Delayed Ejaculation

How to overcome delayed ejaculation

It's a controversial viewpoint, although they does seem to be a certain amount of evidence to suggest that it's true, and most men will be able to relate from their own experience the fact that it's possible to have an erection without being particularly turned on the morning erection which men know very well indeed a clear example of this.

There is also an amusing video on YouTube which demonstrates how many erections men get a day, and this clearly suggests that men can't be turned on sexually every time an erection happens.

Regardless of the details, most men with delayed ejaculation are in a state of some distress about it, because they can't give satisfaction to a woman, and they can't achieve the pleasure of orgasm during intercourse.

Needless to say if a couple wish to have children it's an even bigger problem, because fertility is reduced, or rather, the possibility fertilization is diminished significantly.

So the question is: what to do about it? Well, start by reading more about delayed ejaculation here. If you would like to explore the possibility of treatment at home, that takes you to a website which offers a factual and realistic treatment program for use at home.

Traditionally, harsh techniques of bringing the man to the point of orgasm by fierce masturbation and then at the last moment before he ejaculates inserting his penis into the partner's vagina have been regarded as facilitating easier ejaculation in the future.

But if it's true that men with delayed suffer from low levels of sexual arousal, then this is clearly a futile and rather foolish treatment strategy.

Instead, internal work which aims to increase the level of a man's sexual arousal so that he is then  sufficiently aroused to make love to his partner normally might be a better strategy.

This would involve, for example, working on man's internal erotic world and allowing him to find ways to develop greater sexual arousal through perhaps sensitization of his body to sexual stimuli, disconnection of fantasy and sexual experience, and the removal of emotional or psychological blocks that may be impeding his experience of sexual arousal.

Traditionally this work would have been done by a sex therapist in combination with a man and his partner, although very, very few men with delayed ejaculation seek help for it, which suggests that there is a shameful and embarrassing aspect to the problem.

Instead, it may be better to find a treatment program which can be used at home so that men are enabled to achieve a high level of sexual arousal in the early stages of intercourse, and thereby reach the point of no return and ejaculate in a more normal timescale.

If your man with delayed ejaculation, it's probably useful to you to know that this timescale would generally be between three and nine minutes of intercourse.

However, having said that, what satisfies each couple will be different, and it's important that the definition of delayed ejaculation does not overlook the fact that some couples might delight in long-lasting intercourse, while for others it can be a real nuisance.

The American National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior was conducted over several years by the School of health, physical education, and recreation at Indiana University.

You can download the full document here

But there are many interesting conclusions that we can look at without reading the whole document.

This study is very important in assessing human sexual behavior, because it involved almost 6,000 adolescents and adults between the ages of 14 to 94, and investigated their involvement in over 40 different sexual acts, their use of condoms, and the number of people who enjoy same sex encounters.

To start with an interesting conclusion is that condom use only protects 1 in 4 acts of vaginal intercourse (although that's among couples who know each other, among singles, it's only 1 in 3). This seems low, and one recommendation that came out of the study was that the use of condoms should be promoted as sexual health priority.

One of the main conclusions the fact that there is enormous variability in sexual behavior of adults in the United States, and so by extrapolation anywhere else in the Western world.

Of course vaginal intercourse is still the most common sexual behavior, but there are many other varieties of sexual interaction enjoyed by people including masturbation with partners, and oral sex.

Something that's going to be of great interest to the moralists is the investigation of adolescent sexual behavior. It turns out the adolescents are much less sexually active than we are led to believe by the doom and gloom merchants in the media.

Main Findings

To start with, as previously mentioned, sexual behavior of US adults is very variable. The survey found more than 40 combinations of sexual activity in couples' most recent sexual interactions.

  • Older adults enjoy pleasurable and satisfying sex lives. Those over the age of 40 have the lowest use of condoms.

  • 85% of men said their partner had an orgasm at their most recent sexual interaction unfortunately, only 64% of women report having an orgasm at that event. This difference, interestingly enough, suggest that either women are faking it, or men are not particularly concerned with their partners really have had an orgasm or not.

  • Unsurprisingly, men are most likely to orgasm when sex culminates in vaginal intercourse. Of course as you might expect, women orgasm most frequently when they experience a variety of sex acts including oral pleasuring. (This is probably because the sexual experience takes longer, and they can get aroused more.)

  • As many as 7% of women and 8% of men say they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. But overall, far more people than this have had same-sex interactions in their lives.

  • At any one point in time, the majority of US adolescents are not in partnered sexual relationships.

  • 40% of 17-year-old boys say that they've had vaginal intercourse in the past year.

  • And here's another surprising and interesting fact: when adults use a condom during sexual intercourse, they report the experience just as positively in terms of pleasure and orgasm as they do when not using a condom.

  • Considering that one of the common excuses menus for avoiding condom use among men is that it reduces their pleasure, women need to be well informed about this particular aspect of sexual interaction.

You can certainly see a great deal about the changing standards and expectations of sexual behavior in America from reading this report.

For example, 88% of men between the ages of 30 and 39 have pleasured a woman with oral sex and 20% of boys aged between 16 and 17 claim to have done so.

More than 50% of all women said that they had been pleasured in this way by a man in the previous year, while 23% between the ages of 16 and 17 said they had been pleasured in this way.

Masturbation has become commonplace: among men aged between 14 and 24 years of age, as well as those over 50 years, masturbation is the most common sexual practice.

That seems to indicate something about women's expectation or expression of their sexuality after 50.

However, women between the ages of 18 and 49 were very enthusiastic about masturbation, with over half of them saying that masturbated in the previous three months, even when they were in relationship.

Nearly a quarter of women in the survey said they had engaged in mutual masturbation the man in the previous 30 days.

Anal Sex & Same Sex Activity

Another interesting finding concerns anal sex. In 1988, only 12% of women in America
in their 20s had experienced voluntary anal sex. Now, in the 2010 survey, more than 20% of women had had anal sex in the previous year, and more than 45% had experienced anal sex at least once. Whether or not this indicates male pressure to engage in this activity is uncertain.

And whatever you think of same-sex activity, it's certainly very common.

Almost 15% of women in their 30s have pleasured another woman at least once in their lifetime with oral sex. About 13% of men over the age of 48 had sex with another man, arund half of those events involving oral sex.

Naturally, as we've been led to expect from our own experience, men are very likely to achieve orgasm during intercourse with a woman, while women said that this was likely to happen only if their partner was prepared to engage in other sexual practices besides intercourse.

Numbers of Sexual Partners & Sexual Dysfunctions

Other interesting findings include the fact that American men report more sexual partners than women undoubtedly because men want to exaggerate their sexual prowess, at least in their own minds.

When you give women the opportunity to record the number of sexual partners that they have had in private, where nobody can see what they're writing, it turns out that the number of sexual partners claimed by each gender is approximately equal.

And interestingly, around a fifth of all Americans over the age of 18 seem to have had no sexual partners in the 12 months before the study was conducted.

In total, adult men and women said that have an average of about 7 sexual partners since the age of 18, although the numbers claimed by men and women were ridiculously different: 12.3 and 3.3 on average in a lifetime respectively.

As I said, when you give people the opportunity to report these numbers in private and in confidential circumstances, men and women's reportage of their sexual partners is almost exactly the same at around 9 for each gender.

However that disguises a definite difference in age profiles, for among those older than 70, the number is around 3.5 on average.

Now here's a fascinating thing: around the third of men said that they had premature ejaculation.

Of course what constitutes "premature" in a man's mind might not be the same scientific definition (broadly speaking, that is coming within two minutes of penetration).

So there is still some doubt around this, but even if it's a third of men who come quickly, that's a significant number, and must have a major effect on women's pleasure. The number of men experiencing delayed ejaculation is around 8%.