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Fetishism, Exhibitionism, S&M, Bondage & Discipline, Voyeurism

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SEXUAL FETISHISM

Fetishism is a fixation on an object or body part and a compulsive need for its use in order to obtain psychosexual gratification. The sexual acts of fetishists are depersonalized and objectified. In general, the sexual release in fetishism is masturbation, and fetishists are usually men. Objects that commonly serve as sources of excitement for fetishists are shoes and boots, lingerie and leather garments, though the list of objects that fetishists can use for sexual gratification is inexhaustible. Fetishists who have a fixation on body parts tend to be aroused by legs, feet, buttocks or breasts. People who use a sexual toy or are particularly aroused by certain body parts are not usually true fetishists because they do not depend absolutely upon the aid or the body part to achieve satisfaction. The true fetishist's sexual acts are objectified, whereas those of non-fetishists are part of general sexual arousal and expression with another person.

It may be the case that there is a range of behaviors. At one end is the true, compulsive, fixated fetishist; at other points on the scale are people who at various times and to various degrees use objects or body parts as aids to their experience but do not focus their sexual attention exclusively on them. Fetishism has many tones and shades and is sometimes combined with other forms of sexual expression. Such acts may not be labeled fetishistic, but some professionals believe that when someone has a compulsive need to objectify the situation in order to gain psychosexual gratification then fetishism is playing a part, however the behavior is described for diagnostic and treatment purposes.

The causes of fetishism are not clearly established. Some doctors believe it develops from some kind of early childhood experience in which an object was associated with a particularly powerful form of sexual arousal or gratification. Other professionals who use psychoanalytic theory in their work believe the fetishist wishes to be feminine like his mother, has castration fears, and cannot enter into relationships with others for fear of being lost in the relationship.

You would be considered a fetishist if the part of the body that excited you, say a woman's legs, was your exclusive sexual interest and the sexual experience with your partner as a person was secondary. If you have a satisfying sex life with your wife suggests that you are not focused on her legs to the exclusion of the rest of her or the relationship. It is very common for a man or woman to be excited by a particular feature of a sexual partner or potential partner. For most people that interest is part of the erotic stimulation continuum and is not a sign of a problem. So, for example, a guy whose wife (say) always wore leather panties whenever they had sex, was turned on and they had great sex is just like many people who enjoy accessories of various sorts that excite them during sex without its interfering in their relationship or objectifying the experience or their partner. There is an erotic arousal continuum and we are all on it somewhere. It is those people who can only get arousal and gratification through a compulsive and obsessive focus who have a problem. The tests you need to apply to see if someone has a problem are:

• does the behavior cause the person to feel enhanced self esteem?

• do the acts depersonalize or objectify the experience or the partner?

• does the act cut the person off from relating to others?

If anyone's sexual behavior contributes to a growth in a relationship and to a greater estimation of both self and  partner it is not likely to be fetishistic. People will fixate on just about any body part and on an enormous range of objects. Whatever the fetish (the object) may be, however, there are some common elements in all fetishism. There are also some fairly familiar areas of fetishistic behavior. We shall look briefly at some of the better known fetishes - exhibitionism, sadomasochism and Voyeurism - and then explore one ' transvestism - in more detail for the light that it sheds on fetishism in general.

EXHIBITIONISM

Exhibitionism is the compulsive act of inappropriately exposing the genitals to the other sex for the purpose of sexual arousal and gratification. Also known as "indecent exposure" or "flashing." This is usually done by men in their 20s or 30s; the majority are married or have been married and have had more than one experience as an exhibitionist

• the act is usually premeditated and the man shows himself to strange women or young girls, rather than to women he knows

• the shock and disgust of the victim's response is what seems to produce erotic satisfaction for the exhibitionist; calm reactions or lack of interest are undesirable from the exhibitionist's point of view

• it is unusual for the exhibitionist to molest or attack his victims, but this should not be taken for granted

• exhibitionistic acts have had a traumatic effect on some women and young girls

• a minority of exhibitionistic acts occur when a man is drunk or mentally incapacitated so as to be unaware of proper social limits.

Some doctors believe that exhibitionists behave the way they do because they are emotionally immature and insecure about their masculinity. Others believe that hostility and anger are at the root of exhibitionism and whenever the man feels inadequate he responds in this inappropriate and hostile fashion. Psychotherapy is generally used to treat exhibitionists. Helping them feel worthwhile and secure in their maleness, and helping them achieve socially acceptable and appropriate sexual relationships are the principal goals of the treatment. Aversive shock therapy, in which men receive shocks whenever they begin to respond sexually to an inappropriate stimulus, has been effective in a small group of patients, but there is no widespread evidence that this method is particularly helpful.

SADOMASOCHISM (S&M)

A sadist is a person who derives sexual gratification from inflicting pain on another person or from threatening to do so. A masochist is a person who derives sexual gratification from being subjected to pain or to the threat of pain. A sadomasochist is a person who is said to be able to derive sexual gratification from either role. Sexual gratification for either the sadist or the masochist or both does not occur under every circumstance when pain is being inflicted or threatened. It is more usual for the partners to set up some kind of erotic scene in a quite deliberate way, building in elements of inflicted or threatened pain according to their individual preferences and mutual agreement. Roles (the sadistic "master" and the masochistic "slave"), costumes and aids - whips, paddles, hoods, chains, and so on - may all be carefully planned. Sometimes these aids are true fetishes, sometimes they are part of the fetish of pain, dominance or submission. Sadomasochism is a shadowy area, and we have no reliable way of knowing how many people are involved. From the figures available it seems to be very much a minority activity. Some (old) research showed that 2 percent of the 3,700 men and women in a sample liked inflicting or receiving pain during sex. Another 4 percent indicated they would like to try it.

Whereas relatively few people are actually practicing sadomasochistic sex, it seems that its potential appeal is much wider. Kinsey found that 24 percent of men and 12 percent of women had at least some erotic response to sadistic and masochistic stories. The causes of sadism and masochism are not fully understood. Some analysts believe they are forms of infantile fixation. Karen Horney believed sadists were acting out a need to demonstrate superiority, while masochists were people who felt insignificant and dependent. Some analysts believe castration fears are lessened and overcome by sadistic and masochistic behavior. Others believe masochists are punishing themselves for getting pleasure from sex, while sadists relieve their own anxieties about enjoying sex by providing the punishment. Behavioral therapists believe that sadism and masochism originate in early life when sexual arousal and response may be associated with receiving or giving pain. Literature on the treatment of sadists and masochists is scanty. Those involved do not usually seek help.

Bondage and Discipline

Bondage and Discipline is a kind of sadomasochistic 'scene.' Being bound or restricted and beaten ('disciplined') or being threatened with harm is what some masochists need to achieve sexual gratification. Sadists get off on providing the threat or carrying it out. These 'scenes' are frequently elaborately arranged. Leather apparel and props such as whips, chains, hoods and harnesses are not uncommon. If you and your wife like to nibble and sometimes gently bite each other during sex, with love bites not designed to cause pain, suffering or humiliation, this is not B&D. There is a difference between doing some nibbling and biting in the excitement of a sex act and the deliberate attempt to create a scene where pain or the threat of it produces sexual gratification. Incidentally, in his research Kinsey found that 50 percent of men and 54 percent of women had some erotic response to being bitten.

Most people are neither exclusively dominant nor exclusively submissive in their sadomasochistic activities, but described themselves as some combination and felt comfortable in either role at various times. Most literature on sadism and masochism confirms Mosher's finding that the majority of those who participate have a heterosexual orientation. Pain and eroticism have been associated for centuries. In the Kama Sutra, for example, there are descriptions of this kind of behavior, although there is no evidence of elaborate 'scenes.' Sadism gets its name from the Marquis de Sade, who was active in the eighteenth century. Masochism gets its name from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who wrote about and practiced masochism in the mid-nineteenth century. There is today though more of a willingness to discuss all sorts of sexual behavior, including sadomasochism, and that may have freed some people who were already interested to find out for themselves. But our current social climate does not make sadomasochists of people; sadism and masochism are the results of deeply rooted personality factors, not of social trends.

Voyeurism

Voyeurs are almost always men, and they derive sexual satisfaction from watching people undress, seeing them nude, or observing them during sex without their knowledge or consent. Risk and secrecy are important erotic elements in the sexual gratification received through voyeurism, and the voyeur will probably masturbate during or after peeping. "Voyeur" is French for "peeper" - hence "Peeping Tom." Most of us like to observe other people's bodies, but that does not make us voyeurs. The true voyeur can achieve full gratification only through secretive observation of others. Voyeurs are usually unmarried men in their 20s and 30s. They usually have a history of feeling insecure and inadequate, and fear rejection in relationships to a marked degree. Their victims are most often strangers, whom they watch through bedroom or bathroom windows, rather than friends or acquaintances. What causes voyeurism we do not know, but it is reasonable to speculate that poor social development resulting in an inability to form relationships must play some part. Both behavioral therapy and psychotherapy are used to treat voyeurs who have either been arrested or who have voluntarily sought help.

Transvestism

A transvestite obtains sexual gratification from wearing or using clothing normally reserved for the other sex. Almost all transvestites are heterosexual men who feel a need to use women's clothing for an important part of their erotic arousal and satisfaction. Very few transvestites are homosexual and even fewer, if any, are women. Transvestites are frequently married and have children. We do not know what makes people transvestites, nor, since it is a private behavior, do we know reliably how many transvestites there are. Wardell Pomeroy, one of Kinsey's original team of researchers, has estimated that there are over a million transvestites in America alone, so transvestites are a largish minority! A transvestite does not usually achieve full sexual and emotional gratification without using one or more of the other sex's garments. That is why transvestism causes concern. The transvestite needs support in sexual situations from outside himself or from outside his relationship with a partner. Transvestism is not simply dressing up in the other sex's garments for fun or for temporary effect. The transvestite needs to cross-dress to achieve full sexual and emotional release. This is very different from the female impersonator or the drag queen, both of whom are usually playing social roles rather than expressing sexual needs.

Transvestism is regarded as a problem because of its social implications. Women married to transvestites often find it very hard to accept a husband who feels he has to cross-dress: it Is against the common expectations of our society. Transvestites and their wives may have very serious questions about their orientation, and a great many people automatically (and wrongly) associate transvestism with homosexuality. Transvestism can easily break up relationships and families. One theory is that distant, uninterested fathers and unloving mothers may predispose a boy toward transvestism when he grows up. Another is that transvestism is a sign of some desire, perhaps unconscious, to be a woman. But there is no solid evidence.

Men with this preference like to wear panties, slips, stockings and bras. They may actually be worn during intercourse or masturbation or any other sexual act, or the transvestite may have them by him to touch.

Dr Wardell Pomeroy and Dr Leah Schaefer gave the transvestites they treated permission to cross-dress. They also counseled their patients on where and when it might be best to crossdress. They found that their support and acceptance initially led to an increase in the patients' transvestite behavior, but then they found that the patients' compulsion greatly diminished and in some cases disappeared over time. Their unusual approach was based on the idea that transvestism is benign, and the sooner the person accepts the problem as social and not psychiatric, the greater his chance of living with it or having it diminish in importance. Neither Pomeroy nor Schaefer tried to psychoanalyze transvestite patients, as their primary concern was not with what may be the root of the problem, but rather to diminish guilt and discomfort. Usually transvestites keep their cross-dressing private, so they run very little risk of arrest. Preadolescents and adolescents sometimes associate other-sex garments with sexual gratification, but this is likely to be a passing experience and not a sign of tranvestism. The label 'transvestite' cannot be used until the need for cross-dressing is fixed.

Many people do not understand what transvestites are or what they do. Transvestites are often thought to be homosexuals, but there is no evidence at all in support of that view. Transvestites - people who cross-dress - are often confused with transsexuals - people who have surgery to change their sex. The two situations are very considerably different, and it is incorrect to regard transvestism as a point on the road to transsexualism.

A popular myth is that transvestites dress up to attract attention. This may be true of female impersonators and drag queens, but not of true transvestites. Another false belief is that a man who becomes a transvestite does so because he was brought up in an all-female household. Most transvestites whose early history has been recorded were raised as boys, without any confusion on the part of their parents about their biological sex or their sexual orientation. By the way, drag queens are usually homosexual and are not particularly turned on sexually and emotionally by their clothing. Transvestites are commonly heterosexual, married and have children. They are satisfied with their sexual orientation and usually do not parade publicly in clothing of the other sex. Few transvestites feel altogether happy with their need to cross-dress to achieve sexual satisfaction. They may find situations in which they can relax, but overall they respond to their problem with anxiety, guilt and secretiveness. This is one typical self-description: "I've tried everything - therapy, tranquilizers, determination and everything else I thought that would help me stop cross-dressing. Nothing has worked for any length of time. It's just part of me. For years I've felt guilty, depressed, unnatural; you name it and I've felt it. I was in constant fear of being discovered by my family. I was afraid of getting involved with a woman because I would be rejected when she found out about my feelings and needs. Anyway my whole life has been terribly affected by my transvestism and what everyone thinks of it. Finally, after a long time of turmoil, I've been able to accept myself as I am, and I'm beginning to carry on my life like everyone else. The obsession I've had about 'my problem' is much less now, and although it does bother me occasionally I've been able to manage it better than at any other time."

Many transvestites know their behavior is unusual, many feel great anxiety and guilt about it and would prefer to change. Accordingly, many have sought help but without much success. Lately, however, it seems that transvestites are working at accepting their inclinations and needs, and trying to live a life where their dressing will not interfere with their jobs, families and intimate relationships. When a woman finds out that her husband is a transvestite, the most common single occurrence is divorce. Transvestites will often seek help once their wives and/or families learn about their transvestism, but the strain on the relationship becomes so great that even professional counseling cannot hold it together.